A few words for prosperity sake.

Dear Diary:

It seems that things here are a bit more complicated than it seems. Makes me hark back to the older, simpler days.

Everytime I step onto the pavement, I always ask myself if I'm doing the right thing. Every step of the way, I question myself, and others, wondering if I'm going to be screwed again rounding the next corner.

Such inadequacies I feel, reflecting the place I live in.

Never in my life have I thought so much about money, and how I should not spend it and save. Nor have I met so many people in my life that sometimes, in the little corner in my head, that I wish I hadn't met.

The odd thing is that I'm not unhappy at all with my current situation. As if I've ever been totally happy anyway. But I've done so much lately that I can't turn myself back on, that for the first time in my life, I've begun to detest myself.

But yet I am happy. Does that mean being happy requires me to make so many rash decisions, to break myself out of that shell? Not that I've ever been the paragon of integrity, but at least I used to try.

Or perhaps I've been lying to myself all along. Instead of looking at all the things I still don't have, maybe it is the things that I still do have which has the greater value to struggle for and keep.

Perhaps some of us should learn that lesson, before it's too late...