I have written six different prologues to this entry, and after every single one, I'm lacking a proper explanation as to what I'm about to tell you.

No matter.

Tips when you go on a date:

When you pick her up, make sure you remember to open the door to the passenger side of the car so she can get in properly. Do not under any circumstance drive away when she's still standing on the sidewalk.

If you pick a place to go for dinner, make sure you have consulted with her on where to go. Suprises should only be used on a 'I know what she likes and doesn't like' basis. If you drive to the restaurant of your choice, and find out she's allergic to curry, make sure she's aware of what your backup plan is. Vegetarians won't like McDonalds.

As you're seated on the table, let her make the selections first as a matter of courtesy. Make sure you remove your finger from your nostril before you put the menu back down on the table. If she asks for wine, discreetly select it from the list with minimal fuss generated. Do not ask the waiter directly for the cheapest wine in the house.

Eating should be pleasant and a lightly entertaining experience. Obviously, do not talk with your mouth full. In case that does happen, and a piece of rib-eye steak leaves your mouth and ends up in her cleavage, do not offer the words "I'll clean that up for you." If you fail to heed all these safeguards, look straight ahead, and make your way to the nearest exit in an orderly fashion. That means run.

If it does all go well, a light dessert would suffice, and time perhaps for the bill. If she offers to pay, play nice, and try to offer to share the costs of the dinner. Conversely, do not sit with your hands in your pocket, and thanking some higher power is totally unnecessary. However, if you do offer to pay, and your credit card does not go through, be honest about the situation, and rectify it in a gentlemanly manner. Telling her that your mother's credit card does not work because she hasn't paid her gambling debts is a very very bad idea.

And if you do get to drive her home at the end of the night, you may be lucky enough that she will offer you coffee at her place. Do not take that as a sign, and strip naked before you get in the door. Being locked out, suffering from shrinkage, is a very humiliating experience.