It says "your new entry" in this box. I've stared at this box for the last 30 minutes, and just like how the box remained, my mind is blank.

Relatively good day today, by all accounts. But I feel tired.

I am just physically exhausted. I ended up staying home watching some Korean drama on T.V. which I have absolutely no comprehension of.

And it seems that everyone else around me is having their troubles (some extremely serious), which makes the mood somewhat somber, though deliberately so under the surface. No one likes to talk about it, just go on with their business as if everything is okay.

Which is fine, I suppose. There is no other way to continue unless if you stay positive and focused at the job at hand. But you know it's there, and you like to help. Yet it all seems to be rather pointless, because you don't know how to.

Nevermind then. Ever since I've been here, I've had my fun, though I can't say that I've been truly happy about it all. The trouble is, I'm lucky to be here, so it's hard to express disappointment. It is nothing like I've ever experienced. Perfectly fine on the outside, a mess on the inside. Kinda makes me feel like a psychopath.

It was quite a depressing time when I first started this journal, almost 300 odd entries ago. I didn't really have a direction in life, and nothing seemed to fit.

A year later, things were looking quite good. I was happy again, everything (mostly) seemed to fall into place, and I really enjoyed myself, though the writing here probably didn't reflect it much. Afterall, this is the place where I do my ranting, and nothing more. But it was truly one of the most amazing times in my life, and I never felt happier.

But now, I feel unhappy, but I can't show it. My body seems to agree with me, and I haven't been well for the last two months. Someone is gnawing away at my dream, falling back to earth in slow motion. Perhaps I was too out of touch with reality when I first started here, and couldn't come to grips with it once it came around.

It is different this time. Everything in the past that's happened, I cannot compare to this. It isn't the worst time in my life, but now I'm in a totally new environment, I feel like a blind person who has yet learned how to read braille. There is no one else there to read to me, no one else there to describe what is going on.

I feel like I'm holding too much in, and the pressure is building. My old support network isn't here anymore either. It all just isn't going away. Things are going wrong on an unpreccedented rate, my luck has got to change.

On entry 299, it's all come down to this...

But I can't turn back now. I'm a firm believer that things are cyclical. Things have to get better, and they will.

I just hope my patience holds out.