So one of our friends - correction, one of our coursemates - has been disappearing on his own on quite a regular basis ever since he's gotten here. This is the guy that everyone questions about his basic existence as a human being, nevermind his appearance here as a pseudo-student pretending to...well, I don't know.

He doesn't drink, he doesn't mingle, he literally has no friends here, because he pisses everyone off in the most unglamourous of ways. And when I mentioned he doesn't drink, it doesn't mean we condone the unregulated consumption of alcoholic beverages. Rather, it's just that he's been out every single night by himself till 11, when all the shops here close by 5:30 in the afternoon. Shows up at class the next day, puts his head on the desk, and sleeps away.

Our theory is that he's heading to the brothels in town, rediscovering his virginity on a nightly basis. So we're planning a sting operation, complete with transceivers, daring cunning, and a chase vehicle (ala Magnum P.I., except it's my flatmate's two door Hyundai).

This will probably make or (even more likely) break my career as a private investigator, one who gets to live on (other people's) rather stately properties, with (painted) ocean views stretching for miles into the sunset. Once in a while, I'll trade in my trucker's hat for a set of fake moustaches and a toupee, just so I can pick up some girls (correction, recycled women that look like they were from 80's T.V. shows, pro-rated to look 20 years older) down at the beach.

And just in case if they want me to take them home, I'll always have the Hyundai, with automatic self reclining seats...

(They do actually. Lots of fun when it happens while you're driving.)