"I don't have to worry about you as much, when you're here."

Day 16

I was just thinking in the shower...

I'm a simple man, with simple pleasures. But there is one thing I can't figure out, and it's bothered me for quite a while now.

Somehow, I stared at the linoleum wall, thinking, while the hot water was scalding my back. Why I was thinking about it, I don't know. Maybe it was what my mother said to me tonight, while she was on the sleeping pills.

It was fairly innocent, and fairly normal, for any parent to worry. But in reality, I worry about her more instead. She is smart, cunning, and knows how to take care of herself. But she hides her weakness to outsiders so well, that she almost believes in her irrevocable conviction too much.

She is like a lamb sometimes, and she doesn't hide that from us. But she is just like me, when it comes to the important things, she likes to shoulder the burden too much. Sometimes, it makes her depressed, and extremely agitated. This happens especially when she knows the outcome of a certain situation, and she resigns herself to her fate.

She tries to hide those feelings from me, but it obviously doesn't work. Which always makes things worse, because I get put into this predicament that I dearly hate.

When someone tells you to do something, you feel rebellious, and you can deny them openly. When someone wishes you to do something, you will feel caution, but will consider it with an open mind. When someone begs you to do something, you almost certainly will wilt, unless if you know the other party is clearly in the wrong. But when someone does not mention action, yet you know their intent and emotions, there is a fine line to cross in the end.

Especially when you know it is the 'one' wish they have wanted all this time...it is almost like a soap opera.