To those of you who have remained faithfully monogamous over the years, I salute you. Personally, I'm finding the experience to be difficult, but not impossible. However, I am known to be caught staring at women of good physical breeding once in a while, tempting me with thoughts of them in my bed. The mind is such an evil thing.

But no matter. I am standing my ground, and I shall carry through my promise. I don't have a choice...

I always wonder how people with strong religious convictions do manage to hold their ground so effortlessly. It must be embedded within them from childhood, their parents shielding them from the excesses of the world at large. I, on the other hand, having lived a childhood of freedom, will not stand a chance. All I've ever learned from my teenage years were through my friends, simply because my parents were never there. Grateful that I am that I was lucky to have the friends I had, I'm beginning to wonder what it would have been like to lead a normal family life. I'd probably hate it all the same, but I will never know...

All that I've ever done in my life has been done on my own, especially the emotional factors. I've learned to deal with depression and loneliness ever since I was 12, when I started living with my sister. All my sister ever did was argue with me, and I'd do without her wisdom in the first place. If I did, I'd probably doom myself to a life of treachery. Don't get me wrong, I love my sister. But she had a turbulent childhood, culminating in her distancing herself from my family. I was the only person she would talk to, even after she moved away. And I still remember visiting her every single day in the psychiatric ward, when she tried to kill herself...

But now that I look back, all my life experiences have perhaps made me into a more cynical person about the little details. Yet in the big picture, I'm always the optimist. Simply put, I still feel like complaining all the time, but I will not surrender my life to all these little (or big) hurdles without a fight. All the effort put into getting me here cannot be lost. Or it will all mean nothing...