Next Entry
Previous Entry
Sign my guestbook
My Profile
Archives 2001-07-09 - 9:35 p.m.


This is rather nonsensical, but bear with me:

After trying for 11 years to play good Golf, I've decided today that I'm probably not meant for the game. Why? Because the last few years, my game has been one of diminishing returns. Every successive year, my play has gotten less consistant, my scoring has gotten even worse, and I just don't find the pleasure of walking the course anymore. Now all I do is complain about the aches and pains, instead of thinking about how wonderful the weather was. So I was contemplating giving up the game altogether today, after another disasterous round.

What's the significance of this? I just had a conversation last night regarding the word 'discouragement'. As in, giving up on something, because you think there is no possible way that it will bring you more happiness than you have now. I was thinking about that on the car ride home today, and how so many things in my life have ended this way. It's a long list...

There was horseback riding (I was young, I had a really bad fall, I got scared), archery (my aunt just stopped taking us there, can't remember why), figure skating (though I'm glad that went by the wayside, yellow helmet and all), karate (I was the top student in the dojo, almost got my black belt, before my hand injury), drawing and painting (just lost interest), swimming (after the third season, developed an allergy for chlorine, and some skin problems), cycling (back problems and smoking), skiing (still doing it after 14 years, though not enough time to spare for the kiddieish hills around these parts), snowboarding (as with skiing, though I've already sold my board, and I wasn't that good anyway), skydiving (we just ran out of disposable income, 8 more jumps for my license), and now Golf. Well, maybe Golf...

Just think how my life would be now if I even continued doing any one of the above, instead of giving up on them. I realized today that I am fallible in terms of losing faith in something, because I make it too easy for myself to quit. Even though there are many other things which I haven't given up on yet, I realized that perhaps I've given up on too much already. Sooner or later, this will become the pattern of my life, and perhaps it will even deter me from trying new things, in lieu of the fear of failure.

In fact, it's happening already. The other day I just realized that I'm pretty knowledgeable about everything, yet I do not consider myself an expert in any one of those subjects. That is a rather depressing feeling, for it gives me no direction in life, no quantifiable targets to set. Perhaps that is why I've been floundering a bit lately.

I'm going to try and stop the trend here. Golf is a mundane start, yes. But it's a start nevertheless.

E-Mail Me
Back to Diaryland















* Yes, I designed and built this page with my own two hands.
Copy the code if you must, but please give me some credit.
(Because the Credit Card company won't.)